How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
