they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
