just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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