Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
