So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
