I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im six kinds of drunk right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
