The maid of honor just puked.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
