Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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