Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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