Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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