bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
