Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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