I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
