It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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