You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
