I think I died a long time ago.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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