I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
