I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
