hotel room ftw
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
