And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
