im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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