What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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