So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
