I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
