what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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