Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
