There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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