i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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