so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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