hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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