the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
