this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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