i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
