whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
