I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
