So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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