Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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