it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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