Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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