He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
