I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
