need another drink. this is the easiest way
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
