I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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