until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
