hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize