i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
