Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
