My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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