You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
