Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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