I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
