I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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