Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
