I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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