I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When are your genitals available?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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