Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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