I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
