hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
