Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
