can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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