Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize