I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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