If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
