It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
BRING THE BAGELS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
