i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
