Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this hospital has no fireball
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
