someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
