Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize